Excerpt From A Coaching Letter Written By David B Wolf

“How do agreements come in to being? or what is an agreement?”

My understanding about this is that we each determine this for ourselves. Having said that, I also want to express that my understanding is that the principles that we present in the Satvatove seminars, regarding agreements, are valid regardless of time, circumstance and subjective definition. That is, for example, the principle is that when we keep our agreements we create in our lives trust, confidence, safety, warmth, gratitude, etc., and when we violate our agreements we create mistrust, hurt, decline in self-respect, confusion, etc. In defining what is or is not an agreement we want to be as honest as possible, not avoiding the truth of a broken commitment through some attempt at word play. For myself, I endeavor to be conscious about my language in this regard. For example, if I know that I don’t want to make a commitment, or for the other person to think that I’m giving my word, I’ll specifically use language such as “I may call you tomorrow…” or “I might be at the meeting…”, whereas if I want to create commitment with myself or others, then I endeavor for my language to reflect that, such as “I will call you on Thursday.” With ourselves, whatever stories we may tell ourselves, I believe that we know when we’ve made agreements with ourselves, and as you indicate in your letter, we feel the positive effects when we
fulfill them, and negative effects when we neglect to do so. . . .

With others it seems that it is important to clarify matters if we sense that there is some room for uncertainty with regards to whether it is perceived that we made an agreement. For example, if I say “I’ll try to be there tomorrow at noon…”, and I sense that the other person is responding in a way that he expects me to be there, then it may be helpful, to avoid misunderstanding, for me to clarify on the spot, that I may be there, and that I’m not committing to be there…

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