UNDERLYING NEEDS

Excerpt From A Coaching Letter РBy David B. Wolf

“What is the underlying need behind grungy emotions such as blame, resentment and judgement?”

I think that payoffs point to, or indicate, needs. Like, beneath judgment, and the avoidance of responsibility, might be a need to feel safe, and secure, a need to feel worthy and valuable. Of course the blame game is not an effective means to meet such needs, but it may be an attempt to do so. Reactively judging others, putting them in neat little boxes, can be an attempt to protect myself, to provide myself the illusion that I am controlling, and understanding. In reality my fears are controlling me, and I am closing myself off to deeper understanding. By blaming you, making you wrong, I get to feel right, superior. This is a shadow attempt to satisfy needs for self-worth.

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