Excerpt From A Coaching Letter – By David B. Wolf

It sounds to me like you’re judging yourself, harshly, for the relationship you have with your mother. I suggest that comparing it to what you term a ‘normal’ relationship may not be particularly productive, or healthy. Perhaps a helpful starting point will be to accept your relationship with your mother for what it is, without judging it, without putting expectations on it. Such expectations could be a sort of premeditated resentment, setting yourself up for disappointment. I know this is an emotional issue for you. You have a lot of hurt and frustration connected with your relationship with your mother. If we were to examine things we’d likely find that your relationship with your mother is more open and honest than some, probably quite many, mother-child relationships, and less open and honest than others. That’s not right or wrong or good or bad, it’s just a fact that may be valuable to recognize and even embrace. Also, it’s likely not true that everyone else has an open and totally honest relationship with their mother. I believe that you will find it beneficial to suspend comparisons, with others and with your own expectations. From that starting point, you will begin to empower yourself to create the relationship you desire, without feeling bound to ‘have to have’ any sort of relationship that is imposed from outside, or from your own past belief systems, which may be limiting you in this regard. My relationship with my mother is open and honest to some degree. It could be more so.

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