By Seonaid Brailey
I first discovered Satvatove Seminars when my daughter sponsored an event in our home town. After participating in that event I knew I still had some emotional baggage which was triggered by ongoing patterns in my life that needed changing, especially with close family members. I knew this but had not been able to ‘figure it out’! It was too personal. So I enrolled in the Advanced Seminar held in Florida. At the end of this seminar, I was definitely determined to change and was offered an opportunity to receive ongoing support to do so. I made biweekly calls to Marie, an impartial, open, clear and loving woman who was there to assist me to put my life in perspective.
In the beginning of this process with Marie, I felt heard for the first time in my life. All the emotionality that I had going on with family had a huge amount to do with not being heard or acknowledged for the pain that I had experienced. Previously people had agreed with or contradicted what I said; neither was helpful, because inside I hurt. Marie helped me to feel heard, not judged or made wrong, but to actually be acknowledged for what I felt. I came to allow myself to stand in my own light without all my negative energy ‘beating me up’. I started to recognize that I was only responsible for how I was being, in any given situation, and I was not responsible for other people, unless of course they were children within my care.
Marie holds me accountable, which is to say she gives me a way to keep my word to myself! This is done by me making an agreement with her- actually, with myself, with her present and serving as an accountability check. This is an agreement about something that I want, and am having difficulty making work. These agreements are fluid and can change, but if I’m “copping out” then Marie will question my decision; which is another way of me getting clear on what I really want and who I am. It is a gentle technique. It allows me to love myself as I live my life. I get to work my way through the stories I tell myself or to see patterns that I have, without punishing myself. I am learning to change my negative talk to a gentler, kinder relationship with myself. It gives me freedom to be more of the beauty of who I am, and how I desire to be in the world. I now have more self respect, trust from within, and know that I am enough.
I have learned that my being fluid, or in other words when I am relaxed and focused and trust the spirit within myself, I am at my best. I have even admitted to myself that I have natural leadership skills, a thought that previously scared me beyond words. It still does, to some extent, but now I am able to simply acknowledge this to myself and let it be.
Now I am actualizing my contract to myself of being a light, valuable, courageous and assertive human being.