Excerpt From Relationships That Work: The Power Of Conscious Living – By David B. Wolf It happens to all of us that at times we have something difficult to say, something that might be unpleasant for others to hear. How should we go about expressing ourselves? There are three basic ways to do so, which […]
Excerpt From Relationships That Work: The Power Of Conscious Living – By David B. Wolf “Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.” – Pablo Picasso Open-ended questions are another valuable listening tool. Effectively utilized, they encourage the speaker to share more. A closed-ended question is one that invites a one-word answer. Some examples of closed-ended […]
Excerpt From Relationships That Work: The Power Of Conscious Living – By David B. Wolf In the novel Momo, Michael Ende creates the character of a young girl, who is a wonderful example of an empathic listener, and whose silent presence helps people connect with their inner truth. Momo receives a daily stream of visitors, […]
Excerpt From Relationships That Work: The Power Of Conscious Living – By David B. Wolf In the safe and trusting environment created through empathic listening, we are inspired to explore deeply, which often leads to problem-resolution. We may have a great idea how to help someone resolve a challenge, or at least think we do. […]
Excerpt From Relationships That Work: The Power Of Conscious Living – By David B. Wolf In my communication seminars I am often asked about diffusing hostility. An empathic response is the most powerful means for diffusing aggressiveness. In the mid-nineties I worked as a children and family counselor for the State of Florida Department of […]
Empathy does not mean sentimentally acceding to the demands of others. Knowing how the other person feels and being able to show it does not mean agreeing with them. I can understand and be open to another perspective, while standing for my own viewpoint. This quality of empathy and the skill to express it underlies effectiveness across practically all life dimensions.
Creating sacred space between us entails commitment to genuine dialogue. Dialogue means that I listen with a view to understand, rather than to counter or defeat. In a consciousness of dialogue, my intention in expression and hearing is not to manipulate, invalidate or prove that I am right. With true dialogue we create a sanctified environment, unadulterated by barriers to healthy communication. It is an enlightening experience.
When someone really listens to me, deeply understands me and acknowledges the pain I am experiencing, I begin to feel less upset and more capable of handling my emotions and difficulties. Feeling cared about, I am moved to share more. Caring is reflected in listening, and an empathic response is an effective strategy to show that we have listened. Reflective, empathic responses build trust.
“The states of being on the grungy list are not always grungies. They have their natural place in healthy human emotional life. For example, suppose someone dear to you passed away, and the next day you felt no sadness or grief. That would be unnatural. Sadness in this case would not be a grungy. Now, imagine that ten years after this person passed away, you are still so grief-stricken that you cannot function, hardly able to rise from bed each morning. That sadness would likely be a grungy, with corresponding payoffs. A grungy is an unpleasant way of being that we do not rectify. We might complain, gripe and grumble about it, but we hold onto it.”
David B. Wolf – Relationships That Work
“Assuming that we have freedom of choice, and that our nature is vibrant, bright, powerful and free, how come we would choose experiences such as depression, bitterness, anxiety, worthlessness, fear, guilt and confusion? Based on my experience with people I can guess that some readers are saying, perhaps instinctively, “I do not choose these emotions.” Stay with the premise that we are at choice, that we are the creators of our experience. Even if we don’t believe this premise to be true, we can reflect on the idea, saying, “Okay, if it were true that I am choosing these emotions, why would I be doing this?”
David B. Wolf – Relationships That Work