Excerpt From Relationships That Work: The Power Of Conscious Living
– By David B. Wolf

In setting and accomplishing life goals from a paradigm of conscious living, the equation begins with being. Often we specify the have part of the equation, then do the work of achieving the goal, but neglect to be. For example, suppose I am thinking, “If I have the right companion then I will live the life I desire and I will be loved, appreciated and affectionate.” In this mode focused on having, the process moves to doing things that we believe make sense to achieve the goal. This could mean going to bars, parties or perhaps to work or church—all with the intention of acquiring what we don’t have. Be-Do-Have on the other hand begins with experiencing ourselves as loved, contented and fulfilled. With this consciousness we attract into our lives relationships that enhance our being. Experiencing love, power, beauty, clarity, vitality, radiance and confidence is not dependent on having any particular relationship or external result, although we do invite and attract relationships and successes that enrich the full experience of our being.

Be-Do-Have consciousness is joyful, contented and powerful from the start. Living these qualities, I naturally do the things that joyful, contented and powerful people do—with the result that I have things that joyful, contented and powerful people have. Being compassionate, loving and confident, I naturally act in ways that compassionate, loving and confident people act—and thus I have what compassionate, loving and confident people have. The salient point about Be-Do-Have is not that it culminates in have, but that it originates in be.

Be-Do-Have is always in effect, whether we are conscious of it or not. If I am being depressed, fearful and irritable, I will do what depressed, fearful and irritable people do, and have the sort of relationships and life results that depressed, fearful and irritable people have. If I am being trustworthy, powerful and spirited, I will do things that trustworthy, powerful and spirited people do, and have the corresponding results, such as extraordinary success and rewarding relationships.

While doing and having flow from our being, they also enrich our being. Thus, being powerful, trusting and determined, I act with power, trust and determination. This activity in turn enhances my experience of being. It is not that my being was incomplete before the activity; this a dynamic process where being energizes doing, and doing nourishes being. Activity is generated from inspired being, not

from a place of need.

In the Do-Be paradigm, I am in a mindset that believes “In order to experience the qualities of my being, I need to do such and such.” That is different than Be-Do, where I am living from the consciousness of “I am complete and whole; I am inspired to do these activities, which naturally intensify and augment my experience of being.”

Because spirit is transcendent of matter, and because the self is more powerful than material coverings, it is possible to choose the qualities of our being at any given moment—whatever the intricacies of those coverings. By doing some clearing work, by pulling weeds and watering flowers in the garden, we can prepare the field and thus make it easier to choose being. (Without minimizing the value of this work, the choice to be is not dependent on the clearing and watering work we have done beforehand.)

For example, before conducting a seminar, part of my preparation is to do mantra meditation for about ninety minutes each morning. This helps me to feel strong, clear and connected. Sometimes that doesn’t happen, for whatever reason. I know that chanting before the start of the seminar day is very helpful for me to experience myself as focused, spontaneous, confident and connected; but if it’s 9 a.m. and the seminar is about to begin, and I haven’t chanted yet, I am not willing to use that as an excuse not to be fully clear, present and connected. Whatever my preparation work has or hasn’t been, I can choose to be weak or powerful, foggy or clear, defensive or open.

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