Gabriel Coleman- Deep and inspirational experience. I created breakthroughs. Truly enjoyed it.
Sue P. Smith- I wish I had taken this 40 years ago. It will change my life and connect me to my family.
Patrick Mangum-
This was my second time taking the Foundational. Taking the Foundational after the Advanced Course was like taking a completely different course than the first Foundational experience. I have undergone a rapid transformation since the Foundational and approached this Foundation with a completely different consciousness and was able to gain just as much if not more this time than last time. I was able to be a sponge this time, taking in as much as I could.
Stan Rousonelos-
The Foundational experience was truly amazing…It was an unfolding process that brought me a new comfort and sense of peace which came from a higher place. . .
Jasha DiDomenico (Schurger)-
Retaking the course definitely helped me to integrate more fully the basic skills that are essential to true communication…I got the validation that I can listen (sometimes!). This has lifted my spirit in ways that will continue to expand with time. Marie is amazing in her heartfelt intention to truly share this transformative practice to as many as possible. . .
Gudrun Fischer-
Good experience, with lots of applicability for my product management and coaching work. . .
Jenessa Paige-
Marie! Loved the energy you brought to the course! I was surprised what came up for me today, and last night, and I am interested in what will come from the introspection it inspires! . . .
Natalie Marie Saltmarsh-
Some of my realizations so far:
The care & empathy I’ve received since the workshop + follow up phone calls + seminar fills me with gratitude + awe. Thank you!
Tapped into my sensitivity + vulnerability in a safe environment + I am inspired to go further …at the advanced course in April.
Learned tools to take responsibility for my broken agreements + awareness of the grungies + payoffs, so I can transform and instead be in my integrity w/ honesty + trust.
“Have to” — “Get To”
I am renewed, transformed, and thankful. The Satvatove in me greets + thanks the Satvatove in you.
I am in Vrndavana. Vrndavana is a town in north India, specially known for an atmosphere conducive for developing prema, the highest love between the individual spirit and the Supreme. I awoke this morning to the pre-dawn chorus of Vrndavana kirtan and bhajan, radiating from hundreds of chakras of transcendental sound vibration throughout the sacred village. Immersion in such sound vibration before sunrise invites the soul towards profound spiritual joys as an auspicious start for the day.
Prema- The Source of all Love
Prema, personal loving relation with the Divine, is all-inclusive, free from limitation. Just as by watering the root we automatically nourish all branches, leaves and twigs, we similarly nurture our relationships with all persons by cultivating love for the source of all creation.
The First Duty of Love is to Listen
My specific purpose here in Vrndavana is to conduct experiential seminars on transformative communication. We might wonder about the connection between communication skills and the sublime love called prema. In this regard I am reminded of the quote from theologian and philosopher Paul Tillich, “The first duty of love is to listen.” Sometimes it’s helpful to distinguish between the feeling of love, and love as a verb. A vital action in loving relations is high-level communication, beginning with deep, attentive listening.
About 500 years ago the Six Goswamis of Vrndavana inspired a renaissance, centered in Vrndavana, of prema-bhakti, personal devotional love as a means for self- and God-realization. The writings of these sages carefully differentiate between spiritual prema and material lust. One of these Goswamis, Srila Rupa Goswami, a leading Vedic scholar of the age, wrote Sri Upadesamrita, The Nectar of Instruction. This short treatise on spiritual life concludes with a depiction of Radha-kunda, a place and consciousness where prema is the sweetest. Indeed, Rupa Goswami describes those who have attained Radha-kunda as “the most fortunate people in the universe.”
Interestingly, the first words of Nectar of Instruction are “vaco vegam”, referring to the urge to speak. Herein Rupa Goswami expresses that the first step on the journey of spiritual realization, and ultimately towards absorption in the most intense and inspirational love, is to be conscious with our speech.
This illuminates the fundamental principle of transformative communication. Skills, or technique, are external, mechanics meant to serve the essence. At its essence, the principles of conscious communication comprise a systematic process of self-realization. This process utilizes mastery of hearing and expression to create sacred space. In that space we get to support each other and ourselves to unlock the mysteries of prema within our hearts, and experience infinite and untainted love.
In this episode of our series, David describes the fifth essential principle for fulfilling relationships, empathy. Principles of living in a sattvic consciousness tend to overlap and support one another and this principle is no exception. Other principles of fulfilling relationships such as “Win/Win” rely on this principle of empathy.
Just as the supreme creates with the word, we too create our lives with our word. Self-reflection is a core principle in personal growth, and it can be especially illuminating to consider our relationship with our word. In the Vedic tradition there is a literature called Upadeshamrita, or The Nectar of Instruction. The book concludes with a depiction of the most elevated spiritual consciousness, and it starts with a description of the importance of effective management of our words, for anyone interested in spiritual progress.
In the transformative communication seminars that I conduct we ask participants to examine the effects of kept and broken agreements. Typically, experiences and feelings connected with violated agreements include hurt, embarrassment, anger, betrayal, confusion, lack of clarity, disappointment and feeling devalued. Agreements honored are usually related with experiences such as trust, gratitude, responsibility, fulfillment, security, clarity, and respect. The purpose of such examination is not to moralize about the importance of keeping our promises. It’s about realizing how our relationship with our word affects our experience of life.
In this regard I suggest that there aren’t big or small agreements. Consider, for example, that I say, “I’ll call you tomorrow,” and I don’t call. We may think, “It’s no big deal.” With respect to our relationship, however, will the consequences noted above be in effect? Probably they will. At some level, your trust for me will likely diminish, and our relationship will be less whole.
Commitment is essential for self-development. Without it, we’re likely not going to significantly expand our possibilities and comfort zone. When we make agreements, we’ll probably find that, despite our best efforts, we sometimes don’t follow through. A strategy for handling broken agreements with integrity is a valuable tool for restoring relationships.
The Five As
An effective approach is the “five As”, which are 1) Acknowledge, 2) Accept responsibility, 3) Account, 4) Apologize, and 5) Amend. “Acknowledge” means to recognize that we have a broken agreement, and to express this to the person whom we transgressed. Accepting responsibility, the second of the As, denotes realization that I responded in a particular way that caused me to not honor my word. The third A is Account. Expression of accountability consists of genuinely explaining what happened. Apology is the fourth A, and it’s noteworthy that it’s fourth, not first. Oftentimes we act like apology is the first and only step in effectively handling a broken agreement. “I’m sorry” can be more about my need to restore my image, than about sincerely reinstating the soundness of the relationship. Amend is the fifth A, and consists of actively redressing the situation.
A Culture Of Trust
‘Tis a season for making resolutions, when we consider things we can do to better our lives. This is a powerful opportunity to enhance the culture of trust in our relationships, and within ourselves. My proposal is that we invoke special awareness of the effects in our life and relationships when we make an agreement and keep it.
With increasing prices in nearly every market, many employees are now being expected to work more, for less pay. It is clear to see that tensions in the workplace are growing rapidly in this demanding environment.
In this Fox News interview, David Wolf Ph.D gives tools and techniques that are immediately applicable in your life, to deal with workplace hostility and create a more pleasant, peaceful, and appreciative workplace environment.
In this episode of the 7 principles for fulfilling relationships video series, the essential principles of clarity and responsibility are highlighted and desribed.
Author Advises How to Deal With “Desk Rage”
By Sheryl Silver
“If you’re on the receiving end of someone’s desk rage, understanding is a powerful tool to employ,” said Wolf. “If we can show that we understand what the person raging is saying, we can often diffuse the situation and help them deal with their grievance(s) in a calmer, more effective way.”
David B. Wolf, PhD, author
Relationships That Work: The Power of Conscious Living
You’ve probably heard of road rage — but what about “desk rage”? It’s a term used to describe the hostility and on-the-job outbursts people experience when they can no longer control their anger or cope with frustrations at work.
Desk rage isn’t a new phenomenon but according to David B. Wolf, PhD, author of Relationships That Work: The Power of Conscious Living, it appears to be on the rise.
“I don’t have statistics to document the increase in desk rage,” said Wolf, “but anecdotally, I am hearing about it more lately from managers with whom I do coaching.”
The stresses of the current economy may be a contributing factor. Besides rising fuel prices and lower home values, Wolf pointed out that after companies cut their employee ranks, as many have done recently, the remaining employees tend to inherit the tasks their terminated co-workers handled.
“Typically, these employees are asked to handle the increased workload with no increase in salary and no real expectation of job security,” said Wolf. “The situation is a recipe for frustration and a rise in desk rage.”
While Wolf says most people don’t handle desk rage well, he believes they can learn to cope more successfully with it by employing certain communication techniques.
For starters, Wolf said it’s important to remain emotionally neutral when an episode of desk rage occurs. “Sometimes the anger being expressed is about a third party — a boss, another co-worker. But even if the rage is directed at you, don’t react defensively,” said Wolf. “Take a deep breath, keep your voice low, and remember the person’s rage isn’t really about you.”
The key, according to Wolf, is not letting fear or your own anger take hold in such a situation. “If you’re on the receiving end of someone’s desk rage, understanding is a powerful tool to employ,” said Wolf. “If we can show that we understand what the person raging is saying, we can often diffuse the situation and help them deal with their grievance(s) in a calmer, more effective way.”
“Understanding, by the way, does not necessarily mean agreeing with the person,” added Wolf. “Sometimes we might think the person is justified in their anger but sometimes we don’t. How we respond to the person expressing the anger, however, is key to de-escalating the rage factor.”
“Mirroring” what the person is saying is one way to convey your understanding. This approach involves restating, as best you can, what you just heard the person say to you. For example, if the raging co-worker said, “You screwed up my presentation by not having the report I asked for. We’re going to lose this client thanks to you!” you could respond, “I know you’re furious. You’re upset I didn’t have the report you requested and think this could jeopardize our client contract.”
“This approach allows the outraged co-worker an opportunity to confirm that what you heard and understood was correct — or to say, No, that’s not what I said,” noted Wolf. “When this technique is utilized in labor/management negotiations, it’s helped to speed the result because it helps prevent misunderstanding while creating an atmosphere of understanding.”
What if you’re not on the receiving end of desk rage but feel as if you’re the person about to explode at work? Wolf recommends taking a deep breath and stating the facts of the situation upsetting you — minus any anger. For example, you might say, “The last time we met, you agreed to be at work on time daily and to call me if you were going to be late. Three days in the past week, you arrived more than a half hour late — and one of those delays was during a staff meeting when I really needed your assistance.”
Next, Wolf suggests using “I” statements to express how you feel. Regarding the previous situation, you might say, “I was frustrated by this and feel disrespected.” He suggests avoiding “you” statements such as “You made me angry.”
Finally, tell the person you’re annoyed with what you need or want, again using “I” statements. With the incident above, you could state, “I want an assistant who is respectful and responsible. I need you to honor your agreements.”
What’s the point of this approach? “We’re not denying our anger but by communicating in a less emotional and judgmental way, we’re maximizing the potential to have our concerns heard and acted upon positively,” said Wolf.
