In The Beginning Was The Word

Just as the supreme creates with the word, we too create our lives with our word. Self-reflection is a core principle in personal growth, and it can be especially illuminating to consider our relationship with our word. In the Vedic tradition there is a literature called Upadeshamrita, or The Nectar of Instruction. The book concludes with a depiction of the most elevated spiritual consciousness, and it starts with a description of the importance of effective management of our words, for anyone interested in spiritual progress.

In the transformative communication seminars that I conduct we ask participants to examine the effects of kept and broken agreements. Typically, experiences and feelings connected with violated agreements include hurt, embarrassment, anger, betrayal, confusion, lack of clarity, disappointment and feeling devalued. Agreements honored are usually related with experiences such as trust, gratitude, responsibility, fulfillment, security, clarity, and respect. The purpose of such examination is not to moralize about the importance of keeping our promises. It’s about realizing how our relationship with our word affects our experience of life.

In this regard I suggest that there aren’t big or small agreements. Consider, for example, that I say, “I’ll call you tomorrow,” and I don’t call. We may think, “It’s no big deal.” With respect to our relationship, however, will the consequences noted above be in effect? Probably they will. At some level, your trust for me will likely diminish, and our relationship will be less whole.

Commitment is essential for self-development. Without it, we’re likely not going to significantly expand our possibilities and comfort zone. When we make agreements, we’ll probably find that, despite our best efforts, we sometimes don’t follow through. A strategy for handling broken agreements with integrity is a valuable tool for restoring relationships.

The Five As

An effective approach is the “five As”, which are 1) Acknowledge, 2) Accept responsibility, 3) Account, 4) Apologize, and 5) Amend. “Acknowledge” means to recognize that we have a broken agreement, and to express this to the person whom we transgressed. Accepting responsibility, the second of the As, denotes realization that I responded in a particular way that caused me to not honor my word. The third A is Account. Expression of accountability consists of genuinely explaining what happened. Apology is the fourth A, and it’s noteworthy that it’s fourth, not first. Oftentimes we act like apology is the first and only step in effectively handling a broken agreement. “I’m sorry” can be more about my need to restore my image, than about sincerely reinstating the soundness of the relationship. Amend is the fifth A, and consists of actively redressing the situation.

A Culture Of Trust

‘Tis a season for making resolutions, when we consider things we can do to better our lives. This is a powerful opportunity to enhance the culture of trust in our relationships, and within ourselves. My proposal is that we invoke special awareness of the effects in our life and relationships when we make an agreement and keep it.

Dear Friends,

Warm greetings in this holiday season.

We’re happy to offer you opportunities to give some special gifts to people dear to you, in the form of Satvatove books, CDs and personal coaching.

Give the gift of Satvatove personal coaching, for yourself and others in your life. Consider the impact for the next year, and for a lifetime, of the expert and caring support that you get with Satvatove coaching. Can you think of some habits you’d like to integrate to powerfully move forward in your life? What about habits to give up, to be more effective and potent in achieving your goals? What would it mean to you to get real clear on your goals and aspirations, in your career, primary relationship, health and spiritual practice? Raise your awareness and live your vision with a Satvatove coach on your team.

All Coaching Packages at 50% discount for the month of December, 2008.

For more information or to register for a coaching package, write to us at Coaching@Satvatove.org or call us at 386 418 8840.

Plus- During this holiday period, with each coaching package you receive a copy of Relationships That Work: The Power of Conscious Living- How Transformative Communication Can Change Your Life, and the CD,

7 Principles For Fulfilling Relationships!!!

Satyen Raja, President of WarriorSage and author of Living Ecstasy, commented on Relationships That Work:

“…a book that gives us the practical tools, ideas and real shifts in our habits that will propel ALL our relationships into a rich and rewarding way of life. What’s really wonderful is the Heart and Depth that comes through from David, which gets transferred into the reader and that certainly pays off in Big wins for your Family, Career and Spiritual Life. Read and Devour it and watch your Life Bloom with more ease and clarity.”

Peter Burwash, Founder of Peter Burwash International and author of several books including The Key to Great Leadership and Total Health, wrote:

“If we do not understand whom we really are, then our life becomes a major struggle. David Wolf has been able to explain not only who we are but he has also given us paths to elevate our consciousness and help us on our way to a more productive, happy existence.”

Relationships That Work: The Power of Conscious Living

1 copy- $14.95

3 copies- $38

5 copies- $55

10 copies- $100

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With each book purchase, you receive a copy of 7 Principles for Fulfilling Relationships, for no extra cost.

“This book will touch the heart of every reader as it provides a roadmap for making positive changes in our dealings with other people, as well as within ourselves. David Wolf’s unique ability to blend spiritual knowledge with practical advice makes Relationships That Work: The Power of Conscious Living a must read for anyone seeking self-understanding and better communication with those they care most about. Reading this book forced me to pause and reflect about the nature of my own life; A worthy experience for anyone in today’s fast-paced modern world where doing and having often become facile substitutes for being.”

E. Burke Rochford Jr., Professor of Sociology and Religion, Middlebury College

“Sometimes you find a book, and sometimes a book finds you. There is no doubt that the profound wisdom and lessons in this book will find their way into the souls of millions of people around the world. No ifs, ands or buts - Dr. Wolf gives you the blueprint on how to be an influence-maker in your life and the lives of others.”

Burke Hedges, author of 7 books with over 4 million books in print, including the bestseller “Who Stole the American Dream?”

“This is an extraordinarily compelling and practical book on becoming a master of communication. Read it, apply the strategies and principles, and enhance your life and influence beyond what you thought possible!”

T. Harv Eker, author of the #1 NY Times Bestselling book Secrets of the Millionaire Mind

Order your copy of Relationships That Work at:

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We wish you joy and fulfillment this holiday season!

Sincerely,

The Satvatove Team

Originally from CourierPostOnline.com • September 1, 2008

Written by Anita Bruzzese

Do you feel like no one at your workplace really listens or understands you?

If so, you’re not alone. And, if those feelings sometimes make you feel angry, depressed or frustrated, then you’re really not alone.

David Wolf, founder of the nonprofit Satvatove Institute (www.satvatove.com) in Florida, said that a lack of employee communication has led to many problems in the workplace, prompting many workers to feel that they have no control over what happens on the job. And that, he said, it what leads to so much unhappiness and dissatisfaction — not only at work, but at home.

“You have to decide: Is life happening to me or am I the author of my life?” said Wolf, a communications coach. “What is your perspective? Are you being responsible for what happens, or are you just being tossed by the waves?”

He stresses that no matter what the situation at work, we can “claim our power.”

“That means that no matter how someone might be behaving at work, we can choose how to respond,” he said.

For example, instead of getting stressed and angry when a co-worker is late with a project, you can choose to be more patient, or you can choose to admit that you’re angry, but to express it in a healthy way. (”I’m angry that the report is late. I need you to honor your commitments so that I don’t fall behind in my work.”)

Further, Wolf said our workplace stress and frustrations could be eased by spending more time seeing a situation from another perspective. One way to do that is by writing three different viewpoints of a situation at work that was tough. By putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, you can gain a greater understanding of how you could have reacted differently, he said.

Wolf also urges workers to spend more time with face-to-face interactions, rather than relying on e-mail or instant messaging.

“I’m not blaming technology for communication problems, but I do think it creates a barrier,” he said. “Half of what we understand from someone else comes from nonverbal communications. Even if you’re writing an old-fashioned letter, you take the time to dispassionately choose your words to convey your emotions. But with e-mail and texting, it’s the worst of both worlds — you’re missing nonverbal cues and you’re responding spontaneously, without carefully choosing your words. It can cause a lot of miscommunication.”

Wolf said it’s also important for employees to focus on what they can do to improve communications with others in order to make themselves feel more in control of job situations. Some workers, he said, fall into the “I’m a victim” trap, which can not only make them ineffective and unproductive, but bug the heck out of other people.

He is quick to point out, however, that being a victim and being victimized are two different things.

“If your house is burglarized, then that is wrong and unfair and you may feel angry or hurt. That’s being victimized. But if five years go by and you’re still complaining bitterly about how the burglar ruined your life, then you’re being a victim,” he said.

“You can’t change the past, but you can decide how you will deal with it,” Wolf said. “Some people stay in a place of bitterness and resentment because they get something out of it. They may complain and gripe and hang on to the resentment rather than change. They would rather do that than risk failure.”

Wolf, author of “Relationships That Work: The Power of Conscious Living,” (Mandala Publishing, $14.95) said that by changing the “lens” with which we look at our jobs, our colleagues and our bosses, we can change our perspective. And that, he said, is what can lead to great happiness, fulfillment and contentment in all areas of our lives.

“Understanding can be like air for us. When the wind is knocked out of us, we just want air. That’s all anyone wants, is some understanding,” he said. “If we do that for people, we can transform our workplace.”

By Dawn Anfuso, Workwise
Article Launched: 08/06/2008 09:05:45 PM PDT

Years ago, while working at a fast-food restaurant, I witnessed a manager chase an employee around, yelling obscenities at him. Even at my young age and inexperience, I knew that wasn’t proper workplace behavior.

As the economy declines, and companies cut their work forces, this type of rage tends to manifest frequently among the workers “left behind.” They’re expected to do more for the same salary - with less job security, little hope for a raise and skyrocketing gas prices cutting into their earnings. It’s a recipe for frustration.

A 2008 study published in Human Resources Executive Online found that frustrated employees may represent 20 percent or more of the total work force.

When tension spreads in the workplace, so does the potential for hostility and desk rage. In fact, the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health reports nearly half of American workers have faced yelling and verbal abuse on the job, and one in four workers have been driven to tears.

Communications expert David Wolf says few people know how to cope effectively with desk rage because they’ve never been taught simple techniques to deflect it.

Wolf, a life skills coach, a social worker and the author of “Relationships That Work: The Power of Conscious Living,” offers techniques to defuse workplace frustration:

When someone rages at you:

Stay emotionally neutral. Take a breath, keep your voice low and slow, and don’t take
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it personally. Don’t let fear or your own anger take hold.

Restate in your own words what you just heard. Don’t add judgments or interpretations.

Be a mirror. Each time he or she comes back at you, accurately reflect back what he or she just said. They’ll quickly see that you’re listening to them. Watch how this simple technique converts hostility into reasonable dialogue.

and understanding When you’re feeling rage:

Simply state the facts of what happened. Don’t interpret or analyze them. For example, say, “You agreed to be at work on time, and to call me if you were going to be late. Three days in the past week you arrived more than a half hour late - and one of those days we had a staff meeting at which I really needed your assistance.”

Use “I” statements to express how you feel. For example, “I am frustrated by this and feel disrespected.” Avoid “you” statements, such as “You made me angry.”

Finally, tell the person what you need or want, using “I” statements. You might say, “I want an assistant who is respectful and responsible. I need you to honor your agreements.”

Dawn Anfuso is a South Bay-based business writer and former managing editor of Workforce magazine. If you have workplace or job-search questions, email Dawn at dawnanfuso@ yahoo.com. Writers will remain anonymous.
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With rising fuel costs, longer commutes, and threatened layoffs, workplace morale is at an all-time low–and frustration is on the rise. In many cases, workers are being asked to do more work for less pay. The result? Frustration and desk rage are rampant in the workplace.

What do you do when faced with a hostile or difficult co-worker? What can you do if you feel rage rising in yourself? Here are some time-proven techniques to diffuse workplace frustration and dispel desk rage.

When someone rages at you:

Blank out your emotions. Stay emotionally neutral. Take a breath, keep your voice low and slow, and don’t take it personally. His rage is not about you. It’s about him. Don’t let fear or your own anger take hold.

Restate, restate, restate. Restate in your own words, as best you can, what you just heard. Don’t add judgments or interpretations. For example, the raging coworker says, “You screwed up my presentation by not having the report I asked you for! We’re gonna lose this client, thanks to you!” You might respond, “I know you’re furious with me. You’re upset that I didn’t have the report you requested, and you think this could jeopardize our client contract.”

Be a mirror. Each time he comes back at you, accurately reflect back what he just said. He’ll quickly see you’re not his enemy, and that you’re listening to him and understanding him. Watch how this simple technique converts hostility into reasonable dialogue.

When you’re feeling rage at someone else:

Just the facts, ma’am. Simply state the facts of what happened. Don’t interpret or analyze them. For example, you might say, “You agreed to be at work on time, and to call me if you were going to be late. Three days in the past week you arrived more than a half hour late–and one of those days was a staff meeting where I really needed your assistance.”

Give it a feeling. Next, use “I” statements to express how you feel. For example, “I am frustrated by this and feel disrespected.” Avoid “you” statements, such as “You made me angry.”

Need and want. Finally, tell the person what you need or want, using “I” statements again. So you might say, “I want an assistant who is respectful and responsible. I need you to honor your agreements.”

* * * * *
David Wolf, PhD is a life skills coach and social worker, a workplace communications specialist, and the author of Relationships That Work: The Power of Conscious Living (Mandala Publishing, 2008, $14.95). He teaches transformative communication at Satvatove Institute (www.satvatove.com), a educational nonprofit organization he founded, based in north Florida.

In the same way that top athletes use coaches to maximize performance, we can use coaching to facilitate excellence in our life.

Coaching supports the achievement of extraordinary results based on goals set by the individual or team. Through the process of coaching, individuals focus on the skills and actions they need to successfully produce their chosen results. Clarity is achieved through the coaching process. Coaching accelerates progress by providing greater focus and awareness of possibilities, leading to more effective choices. Coaching concentrates on where individuals are now and what they are willing to do to get to where they want to be in the future.

Life skills coaching may also include educational and therapeutic elements. Coaching focuses on an individual’’s life as it relates to goal setting, outcome creation and personal change management. A coach helps people define what they want and supports them to reach their goals. (i.e. “I want to learn how to create a happy, committed partnership.”)

In the capacity of education, coaching provides people with general or specific information and skill-building opportunities for them to learn what they need to be successful. An assumption that is made in coaching, is that individuals or teams are capable of generating their own solutions with the coach supplying supportive, discovery-based approaches and frameworks. (i.e. “What communication principles and skills will help me to create the relationships I want?).

With regards to therapy, the coach assists individuals in resolving emotional wounds or obstacles that inhibit success in their relationships. (i.e. “My anger started when my father was brutal to my mother.”)

Life skills coaches are trained to listen and observe to customize their approach to the individual client’’s needs, and elicit solutions and strategies from the client. They believe that the client is naturally creative and resourceful. The coach’’s role is to provide support to enhance the skills, resources and creativity that the client already possesses. While the coach provides feedback and an objective perspective, the client is responsible for taking the steps to produce the results he or she desires. Coaching does not directly focus on treating cognitive or emotional disorders. While positive feelings or emotions may be a natural outcome of coaching, the primary focus is on creating strategies for achieving specific goals in one’’s life.

Individuals who engage in a coaching relationship can expect to experience:

fresh perspectives on personal challenges and opportunities

enhanced thinking and decision making skills

enhanced interpersonal effectiveness

increased confidence in carrying out their chosen work and life roles.

Coaching helps people productively focus on areas of life that are most essential to them, whether it is career, relationships, health or spirituality. People today are more open to the idea of being in charge of their own lives. Coaching helps people do just that.

The individual coaching client is someone who wants to achieve higher levels of satisfaction, performance and learning. People utilize coaches to increase quality of life and learn more effective life skills.Clients typically work with a coach because they want to achieve one of the following goals:

Fulfillment goal- a balanced life, satisfying relationships, enthusiasm, or connection with one’’s spirituality.

Learning goal- improving public speaking skills; increasing patience with colleagues, children and other; learning to practice self-care; learning to mediate disputes; and developing consistency.

Performance goal- improving business as a business owner, meeting daily standards for numbers of contacts with potential clients, clearing away clutter.

Frequently, a coach works with clients in all three of these areas simultaneously. For example, a client may want to improve her or his small business results (a performance goal), as measured by the amount of sales per customer. In the process of identifying what needs to happen to create that result, the client may discover a need to contact more potential customer. In order to do so she or he may have to become a better networker (a learning goal). As the client begins to concentrates more on networking, she or he discovers that less time is spent at home. Thus a new goal is established: to spend more quality time with family members because of the desire to be a loving and caring parent (a fulfillment goal).

The author of the Inner Game of Tennis, Timothy W. Gallway writes: “The coach is not the problem solver. In sport, I had to learn how to teach less, so that more could be learned. The same holds true for a coach in business.”

Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakur, a renowned yogi and Vedic scholar, writes in his book Amrita Vani: “A person’’s defects are better rectified in a private tutorial class or private coaching than in hearing lectures in a school or college.”

Coaching helps one develop personal character, manifest the authentic qualities of the self, and enhance one’’s spiritual life.

Satvatove Institute is an international coaching enterprise with its headquarters in Alachua, Florida. At Satvatove Institute, we are trained to guide you to change life habits and accomplish the exceptional results you desire. Coaching is about you, your life, work, goals, needs, desires and dreams. We like to think of coaching as offering our clients a “sacred space” to share and explore and try on new ways of thinking and being.

In The Beginning Was The Word

Just as the supreme creates with his word, we too, as parts of the ultimate source, create our lives with our word. In the Vedic tradition there is a literature called Upadeshamrita, or The Nectar of Instruction. It is a short book, and concludes with a depiction of the most elevated spiritual consciousness. The initial sentence of The Nectar of Instruction describes the importance of controlling words, for anyone interested in spiritual progress.Throughout the Satvatove programs we have opportunity to be aware of our relationship with our word, and its effect on our life and relationships.

Exercise

Whether or not you’ve participated in the Foundational Seminar, I ask the readers to go through a process similar to an exercise in that course. Bring to mind a time when someone made an agreement with you, and broke that agreement, and afterwards you saw the person face-to-face. Connect with this experience. Write down two or three words describing what this experience was like. Next, bring to mind a time when someone made a commitment to you, and kept it, and afterwards you saw the person, in-person. Again, connect with this experience, and on a separate list write what that felt like. Now think of an example when you made an agreement with someone, and you broke it, and afterwards you saw that person, face-to-face. Connect inside, and write a few words describing that experience. Lastly, recall an instance when you made a commitment with someone and fulfilled it. What was that like? Write it down on a separate list.

Typically, the broken agreements lists include experiences and feelings such as hurt, embarrassment, anger, undependable, confused, unclear, devalued, and disappointed. In the agreements-kept column we characteristically find words such as trust, grateful, responsible, fulfilled, secure, clear, respected, and honored. The purpose here is not to moralize about the importance of keeping our promises. It’s simply about realizing how our relationship with our word affects our experience of life. When we violate our word, then, based on our experience, as evidenced by the lists we’ve generated, our confidence and trust in others tends to decrease, and feelings like resentment, distrust, and pain are predominant. And, when we honor our agreements, confidence and trust increases, and we tend to develop an experience and environment of appreciation, affection, and harmony.

No Big or Small Agreements

Connected with this conversation about the results of our relation with our word, I’d like to offer that there aren’t big or small agreements. Consider, for example, that I say, “I’ll call you tomorrow,” and I don’t call you tomorrow. We may think, “Well, it’s no big deal.” With respect to our relationship, however, will the consequences from the broken agreements list manifest? Probably they will. Probably, at some level, your trust for me will diminish, and our relationship will feel less clean than before.

Certainly, we could think of instances where a person breaks his agreement, and the consequences discussed above perhaps will not be in effect. Suppose you’ve agreed to be somewhere at 9 AM. You stop on the side of the road and save someone’s life, and arrive at your appointment at 10 AM. Did you keep your agreement? No, though perhaps in this exceptional instance the unpleasant consequences usually attending violated commitments will not be in effect, because you served an even higher principle. I assert, though, that the vast majority of the times that we transgress our word, harmful effects materialize. Rarely are our “good stories” for not honoring our agreements actually “good stories”, in the sense that our justifications don’t negate the adverse, destructive experiences.

Many of us carry in our subconscious an equation that looks like:

Keeping Agreement =

Not Keeping Agreement

+

A Good Story

And this formula has corollaries, such as:

Being on Time =

Not Being on Time

+

A Good Story

It’s not that one side of the equation is always greater than the other. Above we cited an example - stopping on the side of the road to save a life - where the “good story” side may actually be weightier. We’re claiming that the equation isn’t an equality, though usually, more than 99% of the time, respecting our word will create an experience of life and relationship that is much more satisfying than breaching our promise.

To Grow Entails Making Challenging Commitments And Honoring Them

If we’re not creating commitment in our life, it’s likely that we’re also not sufficiently stretching ourselves to expand our limits and possibilities. If we do give our agreement, we’ll probably find that, despite our best efforts, we sometimes don’t follow through. A strategy for handling broken agreements with integrity is also a valuable tool for spiritual transformation and restoring relationships.

The Five As

A strategy we use in the Satvatove community is the “five As.” The five As are 1) acknowledge, 2) accept responsibility, 3) account, 4) apologize, and 5) amend.

“Acknowledge” means to recognize that we have a broken agreement, and to express this to the person whom we transgressed. We’re not justifying, or defending, or rationalizing that we haven’t broken a commitment. Acknowledgement also consists of empathically understanding the pain, disappointment, loss of trust, and other emotions we have caused by violating our word. Accepting responsibility, the second of the As, denotes realization that I responded in a particular way - or neglected to respond in a particular way - that caused me to not honor my word. I’m not playing the blame game; I’m accepting responsibility, and expressing that to the person to whom I broke a commitment. The third A is Account. Expression of accountability consists of genuinely explaining what happened. “Explanation” does not mean “defense,” or “excuse,” or “justification.” This truthful explanation may sometimes be rewarding, such as the example where we save a life at the expense of keeping our word. More often, though, our explanations may be unflattering, such as explaining, “I spaced-out about our appointment because I was watching television,” or “I paid a few bills instead of timely paying my debt.”

Apology is the fourth A, and it’s important to note that it’s fourth, not first. Oftentimes we act like apology is the first and only step in effectively handling a broken agreement. “I’m sorry” can be more about my need to look good, to restore my image, than about sincerely expressing remorse and reinstating the soundness of the relationship. Even more, we can imprudently use “I apologize” as implicit permission to do the same thing again. Without acknowledging what we’ve done, accepting responsibility and honestly accounting for it, apology can be hollow. Following the first three As, apology is a natural step in managing broken commitments. Amend is the fifth A, and consists of doing what we’re able to redress the situation. We may approach the other party for ideas for remedial action.

Create a Culture of Trust

Through making and keeping agreements we grow and strengthen our relationships. Each of us can identify things we could do, things we should do, to better our lives. My proposal is that before we end our day today we each make a commitment, and keep it. It could be apparently large or small. The significant point is that by creating and fulfilling an agreement, we create a culture of trust, security and optimism.