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The Satvatove approach to growth and transformation is founded in spiritual principles of personal development. Our spirit self has intrinsic ways of being. When we have clear intention, when we put consciousness in our result, then we are exhibiting these intrinsic traits of our spirit self.

We assert that to achieve a result is fully a function of intention, and zero percent dependent on action. Certainly, there may be an action toward the manifestation of our desired objective, though accomplishing the goal is not dependent on any particular action. If our intention is clear, the result will manifest in our lives, even when we meet with initial, temporary, failure. The power of intention will always actualize itself. No material impediment can prevent this actualization. Intention is founded in spirit, and spirit is superior to matter. With clear intention, we find a way to concretize the result. Implicit in the principle of clear intention is the idea that, “I might not know how it’s going to happen, but I’m certain it’s going to happen.”

Obstacles Consciousness

When we say to ourselves, “If I can overcome my obstacles, then I’ll achieve my goal,” we are living in ‘obstacle consciousness.’ These perceived obstacles might be our health, the need to acquire money, or an increase in self-confidence.

Consciousness In The Result

When our consciousness is situated in the power of our intention, then our consciousness will be in our result. We call this paradigm, ‘consciousness in the result.’ In this way of being, the result is already achieved. There are no obstacles to overcome. There may be considerations to handle as we manifest the result, but those considerations are not obstacles. These considerations are not obstacles, because even if we are temporarily blocked, we will always find a way to accomplish our goal. The accomplishment of our goal is not dependent on obstacles.

To illustrate this principle, I sometimes cite the example of A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami, founder of a world-wide Vedic based spiritual movement. In 1965 he came to the United States from Vrndavana, India, practically penniless and in possession of some ancient Sanskrit literature that he had translated. His biography describes an event that occured shortly after his arrival in New York. He was seated on a bench when a resident asked him about his life. A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami responded by describing-in the present tense-an international organization with more than a hundred centers, millions of published copies of dozens of books, and tens of thousands of active members and supporters. Though none of this was manifest, and he may have looked to be somewhat down and out, he spoke of his vision in the present tense:

“There are one hundred eight centers, farm communities, the expansive publication and distribution of books, and diverse projects.”

His consciousness was in the result, not in obstacles.

Obstacle consciousness would have said:

“If I’m healthy enough, then maybe I’ll do this project. If I can get enough money, then maybe I’ll open some centers. If people come forward to assist me, then I can start this project.”

As events unfolded, A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami did encounter intense challenges on many dimensions. Still, due to the power of his intention, the vision described on the park bench materialized. Because of his clarity of purpose, nothing material could thwart the result.

The Supreme Power

Reflecting on these precepts we naturally reflect on the relationship between clear intention and the supreme power. Does clear intention imply that we, as spiritual entitiies with potency greater than any material obstacle, are omnipotent, with ultimate control?

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe effectively addresses the issue of the relationship between human beings, our power of intention, and God. Goethe writes, “…the moment one commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never have otherwise occured. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.

Similarly, the Bhagavad-gita describes five factors in the accomplishment of all action. They are: the place of action, the performer, the senses, the endeavor, and-ulimately-providence.

Living With Integrity

As the performer, our responsibility is to be in spiritual consciousness. This includes states of being such as clear intention, and absorbing our consciousness in the result. Though this consciousness doesn’t guarantee achievment of our goal, it does insure that we are living with integrity as spiritual entities, and that we are situated to maximize the possibility that providence will act through us to manifest our goal.

If we think about how we might apply the principle of clear intention to our lives, we might feel intimidated. We might even feel that bringing this idea into our daily life is just something we cannot do. Actually, we can release our fear and apprehension if we realize a simple truth. This principle already operates-every day-in our lives.

What is My Intention?

If we want to know what our intention is regarding our economic situation, we simply need to look at our bank account. To understand our intention concerning our body weight, simply step on the scale. Similarly, we can apply this check to our relationships, our career, our spirituality, or any other area of our life. The universe reflects our intention.

At first, this realization might be discouraging. We can transform this despondency, however, into enthusiasm by realizing the miracle of consciously using our power of intention. Much of what we’ve created in our lives-to this point-might have been the result of unconscious intentions materializing in our lives. When we become aware of these unconscious choice’s we have made in our past, these formerly unconscious intentions now enter the realm of choice. By consciously choosing our intentions, we empower ourselves to create the lives we desire.

Whatever our most cherished vision may be, let us begin it now, with clear intention, and consciousness in the goal.

Language Reflects Consciousness

Who’d like to share their experience?” A common refrain in the Satvatove programs, this question often results in responses such as “I was too distracted,” “My partner is so nice,” or “I’m a terrible listener”. I regard such expressions as judgments, rather than sharing of experience. Also in personal feedback exercises we sometimes use the prompt “I experience you as..”, culminating in expressions of evaluation or judgment, rather than actual experience.

Statements such as “I felt so angry when I wasn’t understood”, “I experienced my heart open when my partner shared a story similar to mine”, and “I felt great relief to talk about my hurt”, usually indicate sharing of experience. I use the term “usually” because, from my perspective, there is no particular phrasing that guarantees that one is connected with experience. Still, language reflects consciousness, and some wording consistently indicates analysis as opposed to experience.

Life-Enriching Versus Alienating

Sharing from experience tends to be life-enriching, whereas relating from judgment is oftentimes alienating. “What’s alienating about a statement like ‘You are so kind to offer me a ride home,’“ you might ask. A complimentary judgment is just as much a judgment as one of condemnation, such as “You’re irresponsible and lazy” These judgmental remarks reveal little about what is happening inside the speaker, and they reflect the attitude of the speaker as one qualified to sit in judgment. On the other hand, consider expressions such as “I’m grateful that you offered me a ride home, because I was worried that I’d be late to cook for my children, and now I’m peaceful about that,” and “You said you would wash the dishes last night, and you didn’t. I’m disappointed and angry that you didn’t do what you said you would” These statements, founded in experience rather than evaluation, convey valuable feedback about effects of specific behaviors.

To Judge is a Function of Intelligence

“Okay then, I’ll not judge anymore” Such a conclusion, in my judgment, would be a mistake. To judge is a function of intelligence. The first thing we read when we visit the Satvatove website (www.Satvatove.org) is “The highest truth is reality distinguished from illusion for the welfare of all” To make distinctions is integral to a life of refinement and progress.

Suspending Judgments is a Stategy for Living

In the Satvatove experience we distinguish between strategies for living and strategies for surviving (see article “Strategies for Living” by David Wolf). To share from experience is a strategy for living, as is suspending judgments. Note that the living strategy is not worded as “Be neutral, without judgment”
Genuineness dictates that we recognize our judgments. Dedication to growing and thriving relationships necessitates willingness to suspend judgments. This means that we choose not to allow our judgments to interfere with a fresh, present experience of a person or situation. Approaching each moment and relation in this way opens possibilities for discovery and vitality.
An alive and present experience may confirm or disconfirm my judgments. Suppose I have a judgment that a person is deceptive and not very intelligent. To deny that I am thinking this would be dishonest. In interacting with this person, I want to notice my judgments, and suspend them, allowing myself a fresh experience of this person. That experience may confirm my judgments, or it may reveal them to be false and shallow. Whatever new opinion may form, I have an opportunity to experience the next moment while suspending the judgment.
We talk about self-defeating games, one of which is to hide behind judgments. Intelligence, analysis and judgment are meant to inform and enrich our experience, or we can use them as fear-based barriers to authentic relation. To fully experience life does not imply abandonment of the wisdom of discretion. It does mean to be present with all our faculties, without limiting experience with preconceived labels or categorizations. In the words of philosopher and educator Martin Buber, “In spite of all similarities, every living situation has, like a newborn child, a new face, that has never been before and will never come again. It demands of you a reaction that cannot be prepared beforehand. It demands nothing of what is past. It demands presence, responsibility; it demands you”

A Sacred Place In Relationships

focus of the Satvatove programs are transformative communication skills that are valuable for anyone interested in excellence in interpersonal relations.

Utilization of such principles and techniques creates a sacred space in relationships. This provides an environment for clearing interpersonal barriers, and for powerful internal exploration and purification. In such a consciousness we are facilitated to courageously express all qualities of our being.

You-Me

Immediacy is an important interpersonal tool that provides valuable feedback and requires assertiveness. With immediacy, we engage in direct talk about our relationship with the person with whom we are speaking. Often in relationships we talk about things happening outside the relationship, and certainly there is a place for that. Willingness and skill to engage in “you-me” talk, direct talk about the relationship itself, is especially enriching and conducive for high- level interpersonal relating.

An immediacy statement could take the form of expressing about your experience and perception of the general state of the relationship. “We seem to really aggravate each other a lot. Maybe it will be helpful to talk about this.” “I am feeling uncomfortable that you seem to need my permission so much. I have allowed myself to assume the role of granting permission. I’m worried about this dynamic between us.” Psychologist Carl Rogers speaks about utilizing direct talk to effectively challenge a client. “…I recall a client with whom I began to realize I felt bored every time he came in…Because it was a persistent feeling I realized I would have to share it with him…So with a good deal of difficulty and some embarrassment, I said to him, ‘I don’t understand it myself, but when you start talking on and on about your problems in what seems to me a flat tone of voice, I find myself getting very bored.’

This was quite a jolt to him and he looked very unhappy. Then he began to talk about the way he talked and gradually he came to understand one of the reasons for the way he presented himself verbally. He said ‘You know, I think the reason I talk in such an uninteresting way is because I don’t think I have ever expected anyone to really hear me.’ We got along much better after that because I could remind him that I heard the same flatness in his voice I used to hear.”

The tool of immediacy can also be used to address what is happening on the spot. “You seem hesitant to talk with me.” “I’ve noticed that we seem to be dancing around the issues in this conversation.” “Just now, as I started to speak about my promotion, you folded your arms and looked down at the ground.

I’m wondering what message you are sending to me with that.”

Immediacy Statements Demand The Courage to be Genuine and Vulnerable

Immediacy statements demand the courage to be genuine and vulnerable. Also, they require competence in other communication tools, such as empathy, attending behavior, and “I” statements. In presenting expressions of immediacy we want to be tentative in our language, because our comments may touch on sensitive areas, and while the effect can be confrontative, we don’t want to be intimidating. Tentativeness can include phrasing such as “perhaps…”, “It seems to me…” and “It is my impression that…” Because of the challenging nature of immediacy, it is important that we ensure that we have built a level of trust, perhaps using tools such as reflective listening and open-ended questions, that can contain the use of immediacy. Otherwise, our attempt at this skill may be a roadblock. Effective use of immediacy entails awareness of what is happening in the relationship accompanied by sufficient psychological distance to empathically and assertively respond to uneasy patterns or moments.

When we share an immediacy statement, such as “I feel very respected by the way you’ve listened to me just now,” or “I’m feeling uneasy and tense with you, like maybe I said something that offended you,” we convey valuable feedback while exploring our relationship with another person. Immediacy not only shines light on our relationship, it also provides a perspective for the person to see patterns in other relationships. If I experience someone as manipulative, or mechanical, or amazingly inspirational, I may not be the only one in the person’s life who perceives him that way.

Immediacy is beneficial for diffusing tension or mistrust in relationships. “I feel my body getting tense in this talk with you, and you seem annoyed by anything I say. Yet, we’re both smiling as if everything’s okay.” “I sense that it’s still hard for you to trust me since I didn’t show up for that appointment we had two months ago.” Other uses for this relationship skill include directly handling attraction or repulsion between people, and addressing barriers to clear relationships. “There seems to be some indication that the fact that I earn more money even though you’ve been at the company longer, is causing us both to be uncomfortable with and avoid each other.”

Without the capacity for “you-me” talk, relationships become blocked, with the participants fearful to speak about, or even acknowledge, what is stifling expression. That which is bottled up may surface in forms such as hostilities and withdrawing. Here is an exercise to integrate immediacy and empathy.

Empathy and Immediacy Exercise:

Consider your relationships with three people in your life. Write down an immediacy concern that you believe this person might have with you. That is, if she or he were to share “you-me” talk with you, what do you think he or she might say? To do this requires that you enter the person’s world and empathically connect with what is happening for him, in relation to you. After you’ve done this, if you’re feeling adventurous, share with the person what you’ve written, and invite him to respond. Also, in reciprocation, you can encourage him to share what he thinks might be your immediacy concern with him.

Sharing of immediacy can be deeply rewarding, though also it can be delicate.

Therefore, I suggest that after each expression in this exercise, the listening partner mirrors back what the other shared, to ensure understanding and minimize the possibility of reactivity.

The Satvatove programs feature an approach to self-empowerment based on transformative communication. This model is founded on the understanding that our identity is fundamentally non-material. This identity beyond the physical body is indicated in spiritual literatures such as the widely known yoga scripture Bhagavad-gita, which states “As the embodied soul continuously passes, in this body, from boyhood to youth to old age, the soul similarly passes into another body at death.” To be satisfying and complete, our self-help endeavors need to recognize this non-physical self. It is common to lose this awareness. Soren Kierkegaard once stated, “The greatest danger, that of losing one’s own self, may pass off quietly as if it were nothing; every other loss, that of an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, is sure to be noticed.”

Through the Satvatove system of transformative communication we create a sacred space, in ourselves and in relation with others, that links us with our spiritual nature. Consciousness is transformed as trust is developed, perspectives shift and possibilities expand.

Language reflects consciousness. Through transformative communication we become self-aware through language. This awareness is the basis for powerful personal change, which is then reflected in our thoughts, speech and activities. For example, I may notice that in my thoughts and words I frequently use “I can’t…” in circumstances where, in actuality, I could if I chose to. Realizing this I shift to “I am not willing to…” or “I am inspired to…” This is accompanied by a transformation from feeling powerless and down to experiencing vitality and confidence, and is evinced in potent action that generates fulfilling results in my life. Similarly, awareness of my tendency to prematurely give solutions, or probe with closed-ended questions, leads to discovery of an unhealthy need to control. With such self-realization I shift my consciousness to emphasize an attitude of wonder and discovery for life and each person I contact.

To effectively apply transformative communication it is important to distinguish between skills and substance. For example, there are skills for non-verbal attending behavior, such as:

Sitting squarely

Open-body position

Leaning forward slightly

Eye-contact

These are mechanics intended to convey respect and sincere interest in another person. The mechanics themselves do not necessarily mean that we are attentive and caring listeners, and sometimes effective listening is best displayed without the elements of SOLE. Reflective listening is a technique to express empathy, though an accurate reflection on its own does not intrinsically communicate the quality of empathy. Empathy is the substance. Reflective listening is a vehicle to transmit that substance. We speak of potential roadblocks to effective communication, such as advising, warning and reassuring. While these types of responses to a person with an emotionally-charged situation can often be barriers to communication, they can also convey compassion, understanding and empathy when appropriately utilized. In self-expression, assertiveness is the essential quality, and strategies such as “I” statements and WIN (What happened; Inside feelings and thoughts; Needs and wants) facilitate the expression of that essence.

In the trusting space created with transformative communication, we can clear our hearts and activities of unwanted things, such as self-deception, limiting beliefs, and interpersonal games that sabotage relationships. Such clearing opens the door to fully express our being and actualize a life of fulfilling purpose.

Christian philosopher Paul Tillich once remarked “The first duty of love is to listen.” A powerful tool for listening and transformative communication is silence. Properly used, silence conveys a grasp of another person’s emotions. While we do not want to use silence to avoid intimate and meaningful conversation, neither is it helpful to avoid silence due to feelings of discomfort. Often we fill silence with empty talk, fearing the vulnerability of silent connection. An attentive, caring silence is sometimes a more powerful way to heal and connect than the most carefully chosen and well-intentioned words. Actual silence means that the mind is also still. Silence doesn’t mean “empty”. It is a gateway to and manifestation of spiritual presence. Bhaktivedanta Swami wrote “Silence means that one is always thinking of self-realization.” It is said that God has given us two ears and one mouth, because we are meant to listen at least twice as much as to speak. Bhagavad-gita explains that true silence is a reflection of the divine within us. In empathic silence we are listening to what the other person is saying, not to what we are saying about what the other person is saying. That is, we are attuned to the person’s words and the emotion and intention behind the words, not to our judgments, planned responses, or comments towards the expression of the other. We are deeply listening, receiving another person with full presence, intense interest and open-heart. Such listening expands the spirits of speaker and listener.

Michael Ende created the character of Momo, a young girl whose silent presence connected people with their inner truth and transformed their consciousness. Daily Momo received a stream of visitors, eager for her association. Ende writes “Was Momo so incredibly bright that she always gave good advice, or found the right words to console people in need of consolation,…? No, she was no more capable of that than anyone else of her age. … what Momo was better at than anyone else was listening. She listened in a way that made slow-witted people have flashes of inspiration. It wasn’t that she actually said anything or asked questions that put such ideas into their heads. She simply sat there and listened with the utmost attention…fixing them with her big, dark eyes, and they suddenly became aware of ideas whose existence they had never suspected. Momo could listen in such a way that worried and indecisive people knew their own minds from one moment to the next, or shy people felt suddenly confident and at ease, or downhearted people felt happy and hopeful. And if someone felt that his life had been an utter failure, and that he himself was only one among millions of wholly unimportant people who could be replaced as easily as broken windowpanes, he would go and pour out his heart to Momo. And, even as he spoke, he would come to realize…he was absolutely wrong: that there was only one person like himself in the whole world, and that, consequently, he mattered to the world in his own particular way. Such was Momo’s talent for listening………Those who still think that listening isn’t an art should see if they can do it half as well.”

Consciousness is reflected in language, and language is not only verbal. There is kinesic and paralinguistic language. We see in the example of Momo the power of deep listening to convey empathy, hope and caring.

Below are exercises to help you cultivate and integrate tools for transformative communication.

For a few days observe how frequently you use empathic understanding in your communication style. After a few days, without being inauthentic or preoccupied with the effort, increase your use of reflective listening. Notice the impact of your use of empathy on others and on the process of communication.

Identify an interpersonal scenario in your life. Imagine you are making a statement about something that is troubling you, and then, taking the role of the person you are speaking with, write three responses, using different roadblocks. Use the roadblocks to which you are most susceptible. Consider the effect of the responses, and identify how each roadblock makes you feel. Then, formulate an empathic response for the scenario.

Example: A course participant approaching her teacher about the behavior of a third.

“I really think you need to speak with him one-on-one. I think he’s doing things that are not conducive for a healthy lifestyle.”

Roadblock response 1: “I think that you should be careful about telling me what to do, or else you may be the one I will want to talk to.” (threatening, warning)

Roadblock response 2: “Oh, he’ll be okay. Don’t worry.” (false reassurance)

Roadblock response 3: “You just go and tell him what you think and how he has to change!” (ordering)

Empathic response: “It is distressing for you to see that he is doing things that may be harmful for him. I can see that you”re concerned about him, and you”d like me to speak with him.”

An Uplifting, Purpose-Filled Spiritual Pursuit

Self-awareness moves us to choose life-enriching principles by which to live, some of which, such as Be-Do-Have, clear intention, and keeping agreements, have been described in previous articles. Spiritual principles for personal growth are universal, and thus, even if we are not able to articulate them, they are familiar, being inherent to our core being. Without actively applying these principles, we run the danger that our existence becomes a sort of animalistic struggle for survival, rather than an uplifting, purpose-filled spiritual pursuit.

What is Our Presentation to the World?

Each of us has a presentation to the world. Sometimes this presentation is authentic, where what is presented outside is consistent with what is happening inside. At other times our presentation is not genuine. We wear masks, facades.

Living From Choice

A spiritual principle of self-development is to live from choice, rather than from fear. Transforming our relationship with fear is an essential process of spiritual growth. Though fear may be present, instead of it being a cue to withdraw it becomes a signal to step forward and courageously take a risk. Sometimes we may put up masks from choice, such as deliberately responding that we are fine, although we don’t feel that way, because we simply don’t want to enter into conversation about our troubles. What we are addressing here is when we wear masks out of fear.

Masks take diverse forms, as varied as our personalities. There is the “happy” mask, where we want to be seen as a happy person, regardless of what may be going on inside. Being “strong” can be a mask, as can being “the class clown”, or “intellectual”. Playing the victim, or the “spiritualist”, or the helpless person, are other forms of facades.

What is Our Authentic Presentation to the World?

Of course, each of the types of masks listed above are not always masks. Each of us has a genuine happy and joyful side, an authentic intellectual way of being, a sense of humor, a strong side, a fragile side. It is when we feel we have to be a certain way, rather than choosing to be that way, that our authenticity is compromised. If I “have to” appear as “spiritual”, at the expense of acknowledging to the world, and perhaps to myself, desires or emotions that seem non-spiritual, then my spirituality is a mask and not a genuine disposition. If I feel I have to show myself as an intellectual, even at times when I would really like to drop that front and be playful, spontaneous, or emotionally expressive, then my intellectuality is a mask.

Are We Exhausted Yet?

Most of us spend much of our energy holding up masks, and pushing down experiences that we resist acknowledging. It is like holding a beach ball underwater, which requires a lot of effort to keep it down. After a while we become exhausted. A characteristic of readiness for spiritual growth is that we are exhausted with holding down our emotional beach ball. That is not how we want to spend our life energy any longer.

Living and Surviving

There is a distinction between living and surviving. Spiritually-based personal growth entails a commitment to living, rather than mere surviving. Surviving is reactive. We are in reaction to the beach ball. Holding our head above the surface, maybe putting on a smile, we show that we are in control. Actually, though, it is a pretense of control. Wherever the submerged ball moves, we move with it, not daring to allow it to be seen. It shifts here or there, and we follow. Who or what is in control? Even if we manage with great effort to keep it under, it is noticed.

Perhaps we conceal our rage, not knowing an acceptable means for its expression. But it comes out in different ways, like our irritability or loss of temper at petty things. It is similar with other components of our emotional beach ball, such as shame. Though we don’t want the world to see our sense of shame, or to recognize it ourselves, it drives our life, pervades our experience and relationships with feeling of inadequacy, of being inherently defective. It prevents us from fully sharing ourselves.

Strategies For Survival

A strategy for survival is to maintain the appearance of control. By doing this, the mask stays up, and the beach ball down. This is related to other strategies of survival, such as avoiding pain, looking good, and being right. “Looking good” means that we are invested in an appearance, rather than in being authentic. For each of us that inauthentic appearance has different forms, as explained in relation to our masks. For some of us looking good might mean showing ourselves as the strong helper. For some, looking good might mean “looking bad”, the rebel, the defiant person who doesn’t accept authority. Of course, blindly accepting authority is no virtue, though neither is indiscriminately resisting it.

“Being right” refers to a strategy where what becomes important is being right with another person, instead of genuinely being with another person. We get to be right, feel superior and self-righteous, at the expense of the closeness, understanding and intimacy we truly desire.

Strategies For Living

A life-enriching strategy conducive for the complete manifestation of our spiritual being is to participate fully in our lives, to give 100%. Not showing up fully for our own lives is at the core of self-sabotaging strategies. In fact, it is the foundation of repeating self-defeating cycles, because by not committing fully we restrict our potential to learn through experience. Acquiring wisdom involves granting ourselves the permission to make mistakes through which we learn.

A term like “experience fully” may evoke images of abandoning one’s intelligence or reason. Actually, to be fully present includes being completely available with all our faculties, including our mind and intelligence. Conscious living entails utilizing our intelligence to enrich and inform our experience. There is a distinction between employing mind and intelligence to enhance our complete contribution and presence, and using our analytical capacity as a barrier to experience. Making distinctions and judgments are a natural function of intelligence. Hiding behind those judgments is a survival strategy, borne of fear, that limits our growth, connection and experience.

Living in the Moment

Related to this, there is also an important distinction between living in the moment, and living for the moment. Living in the moment is being present, with all our qualities and capacities available. In the well known Indian scripture the Bhagavad-gita, Sri Krsna describes a person in this state as being free from lamentation about the past and hankering for the future. He is satisfied in the present. This is not the same as living for the moment, where we may whimsically abandon good sense for immediate gratification. Conscious, present living includes learning from the past, and planning for the future. In doing this, we don’t wallow in lamentation, nor do we brood in anxiety.

Giving ourselves fully to our experience is not the same as wallowing in distressing emotion. When we allow ourselves to fully experience, we feel clean, complete, resolved and ready for the next experience. To wallow in a feeling is a way of holding on to it, rather than letting it go by truly experiencing it completely.

To summarize, some common strategies for survival are being right, looking good, avoiding pain, maintaining the appearance of control, and hiding behind judgments. Life-enhancing strategies include participating fully in our lives, being courageous, suspending judgments, being vulnerable, and living with a sense of urgency.

Personal and interpersonal development is founded on effective communication, and much of communication assumes the form of what we sometimes call “feedback”. In listening with empathy we implicitly send feedback that says “You matter. I am interested in you.” Our non-verbal communication is feedback for people around us. When we share an immediacy statement, such as “I feel very respected by the way you”ve listened to me just now,” or “I”m feeling uneasy and tense with you, like maybe I said something that offended you,” we convey valuable feedback while exploring our relationship with another person. Being assertive and utilizing the WIN (What happened; Inside feelings and thoughts; Needs and wants) strategy of communication sends feedback about acceptable boundaries. Sometimes we share feedback about what we experience may be hindering persons in their growth.

As we may experience in sharing feedback, creating fulfilling, satisfying relationships requires permitting the expression of lots of dissatisfaction. Consider the example of a water faucet that has not been used for years. When we first open the faucet, the stuff that comes out may be dirty and contaminated. After a while, though, clean, clear, tasty water flows. If we continued to block the muddy fluid, we would also block the desirable liquid. Similarly, preventing the expression of emotions that may be unpleasant, also impedes our experience of joy, power, connection and other qualities of the spiritual self.

Sometimes we may resist sharing our honest impressions due to concern or fear that persons will think we are criticizing them, and will be angry or reject us. In some circles it is believed that spiritualists do not criticize. When we picture a saintly person we certainly do not imagine a bitter faultfinder, gossiping and constantly maligning others. At the same time a policy claiming that good, humble, spiritually-minded people never criticize can be used to stifle honest, authentic expression, and to engender a culture of fear and repression in the name of spirituality.

The Nectar of Instruction, a book from 16th Century India, provides an interesting perspective on this subject. It explains that an advanced spiritualist is “completely devoid of the propensity to criticize others.” In material consciousness we have a tendency to want to criticize others, to minimize them so that we feel better about ourselves. This is the principle of envy. A true spiritualist has no such inclination. At the same time, a self-realized person is awake, alert, conscious. He does not deny his perceptions. He is keen to differentiate between reality and illusion, internally, interpersonally, and societally. If he chooses to share his perceptions, he does so assertively, with compassion, for the purpose of illumination and personal growth.

Of course, feedback is not necessarily criticism, though it could be received in that way. Suppose we hear comments from another person about ourself. Even if these comments seem completely inaccurate to us, we can appreciate the value in knowing that someone, perhaps representing many people, perceives us that way. With such information we can adjust our presentation, which is different than compromising our genuineness, so that the perception people have of us is consistent with what is inside. If the feedback we hear does strike a chord, perhaps causing us to react, then that may be an indication of an area for our personal growth. Even if the delivery of the feedback was not as caring and compassionate as we might have preferred, and even if we suspect that the comments significantly reflect on the other person’’s issues, still we can use the observations about us for self-realization.

For example, suppose I receive feedback that I am cold, aloof, and distant. Maybe I experience myself as warm, close, and connected. Still, it is very helpful to discover what I am acting in such a way that I am perceived as cold, distant, and aloof. With this information I get the opportunity to adjust my presentation so that people experience me in a way that is authentic and consistent with who I am. Or, perhaps such feedback resonates with me, and touches on an area where I know that I want to focus for self-improvement. This might involve identifying relationships in my life where I know I am being remote and withdrawn, recognizing that I want to change this, and committing to do so.

Accepting constructive feedback with an appreciative spirit, we are grateful that this person cared enough about us to be honest. Similarly, by our willingness to share honestly with people in our life, we give them the opportunity to respond honestly to us, to who we actually are. Otherwise, relationships degenerate to a pretentious exchange designed to maintain shallow, false facades, at the expense of vitality and the spiritual fulfillment that results from genuine reciprocation.

There is also directly appreciative feedback, where we share with each other about qualities and behaviors that inspire and move us. In sharing appreciative comments it is especially enriching to be concrete, to specifically state what it is about the other person that we value and admire. For example, “You gave a good class” is not particularly concrete. In fact, it could be considered to be a judgment. Although it may be regarded as a positive judgment, it still may be a barrier to communication, just as negative judgments often are. This sort of compliment does not provide the receiver with as full an experience and understanding of thankfulness as a statement such as “When you spoke about and demonstrated empathy, and about people not caring what we know till they know that we care, and about the power of completely entering the world of another person, I sensed possibilities open up for me, and felt so hopeful and grateful to be alive. I teach high school students, and this workshop has provided me so many exciting tools and principles to enhance my service to my students.” With such a statement the receiver clearly knows what he did that was appreciated, and how the person felt as a result.

Expressing appreciation in sattva guna means that our intention is to celebrate the life-enriching qualities of others, with no motive to manipulate or coerce, or fulfill some personal agenda. Genuine thankfulness is never superficial flattery, as it emanates from a truly compassionate heart. Such sattvic gratitude is a cornerstone of spiritual life. Research has demonstrated that an attitude of gratitude is a key element of a fulfilled life. Philosopher Sam Keen wrote, “The more you become a connoisseur of gratitude, the less you are the victim of resentment, depression, and despair… The sense of gratitude produces true spiritual alchemy, makes us magnanimous- large souled.” Practicing gratitude, intentionally being thankful, transforms how we view and experience the world. It infuses us with power to convert our most challenging times into sources of meaning and inspiration. Consciously being grateful and expressing thankfulness connects us moment-to-moment with the spiritual self’’s sense of vitality and discovery. In giving thanks we responsibly participate in the celebration and experience of life.

Receiving appreciation is also a wonderful opportunity to give to people. It is a chance to recognize that we contribute to joy and well-being, that we can be an instrument for the supreme spirit to nurture the lives of others. To receive gratitude in a sattvic manner entails that we avoid snares such as feeling superior and arrogant, or denying that we are deserving, thereby depriving others of the fulfillment of having their appreciation gracefully received.

Here are some exercises for cultivating gratitude.

Exercise 1: Each day for the next month, list three blessings in your life.

Exercise 2: Using principles of responsible and concrete communication, express appreciation to three persons for whom you are grateful, and from whom you have been withholding your feelings of thankfulness.

These values, principles, and codes set forth standards by which Satvatove coaches, coach trainees, staff, facilitator trainees and facilitators may be held accountable, by clients, students, colleagues, and any member of society.

Values- Service, Integrity, Excellence, Dignity and inherent worth of every person, Accountability, Commitment, Human relationships, Personal Growth, Spiritual essence of all living beings, Self-determination.

Satvatove coaches, coach trainees, staff, facilitator trainees and facilitators behave in a trustworthy manner. They conduct themselves in a manner consistent with Satvatove’s values.

Satvatove coaches, coach trainees, staff, facilitator trainees and facilitators continually develop and enhance their expertise. They strive to increase their knowledge and skills and to apply them in their service to others. Additionally, Satvatove coaches and facilitators endeavor to contribute to the knowledge-base of the Satvatove mission.

Satvatove coaches, coach trainees, staff, facilitator trainees and facilitators honor clients and seminar participants in their life and work. S/he believes that every client is creative, resourceful and whole. Coaches, coach trainees, staff, facilitator trainees and facilitators take responsibility to encourage client/student self-discovery, client/student-generated solutions and strategies, and client/student responsibility and accountability, Facilitators and coaches believe that the client or student has the capacity to handle his or her situation at a high level of effectiveness, and that a stance of personal responsibility is valuable to facilitate this. Coaches, coach trainees, staff, facilitator trainees and facilitators support and challenge clients and students to examine the possible limitations of their world view and self view, thereby enabling students and clients to grow and manifest their full potential.

Coaches, coach trainees, staff, facilitator trainees and facilitators represent themselves as qualified only within the framework of their education, training, certification or other relevant experience. Satvatove coaches, coach trainees, staff, facilitator trainees and facilitators should provide services and use techniques or approaches only after engaging in appropriate study, training and supervision.

Satvatove coaches, coach trainees, staff, facilitator trainees and facilitators should be aware of potential conflicts of interest that may interfere with the exercise of professional discretion and the delivery of quality services. Coaches, coach trainees, staff, facilitator trainees and facilitators should not take unfair advantage of any professional relationship to exploit others.

Satvatove staff, coaches, coach trainees, facilitator trainees and facilitators encourage persons involved with Satvatove Institute to continue their involvement with Satvatove programs, with due consideration of which programs will be beneficial for each person.

Satvatove staff, coaches, coach trainees, facilitator trainees, and facilitators do not use their connection with Satvatove Institute, whether it be in the capacity of course staff member, coach trainee, or any other capacity, to solicit persons involved with Satvatove Institute for personal services where the person proposing the relationship will receive reimbursement from the other party. This includes services such as personal coaching. This means, for example, that a staff member at a Satvatove seminar will not approach a seminar participant, or another staff member, to ask if s/he would like to be a coaching client of the staff member making the request.

Satvatove Institute representatives should not solicit private information from clients unless it is necessary to do so in order to perform their functions as coaches, coach trainees, staff, facilitator trainees or facilitators. Persons representing Satvatove should protect the confidentiality of information obtained in the course of coaching or conducting seminars. Confidentiality must be applied in the context of a commitment to prevent serious, foreseeable and imminent harm to a client, student, or other person. Satvatove representatives should use their discretion to balance these principles in practical application.

Representatives of Satvatove who engage in appropriate physical contact with clients or students are responsible for setting clear, appropriate and sensitive boundaries that govern such physical contact.

Satvatove coaches, coach trainees, staff, facilitator trainees and facilitators should treat colleagues with respect and should accurately represent the qualifications and views of colleagues.

Satvatove representatives should take reasonable steps to ensure that documentation of services is accurate and reflects in a balanced way the services provided. Satvatove coaches, coach trainees, staff, facilitator trainees and facilitators should ensure that their private conduct does not interfere with their ability to fulfill their professional responsibilities.

Those who represent Satvatove respect the creative and written work of others and they do not misrepresent such work as their own.

Certified Satvatove Coaches, Certified Satvatove Seminar Facilitators, coach-trainees, facilitator-trainees and seminar staff members acknowledge and understand their ethical responsibilities to clients, colleagues, and to the public-at-large. They understand that others expect them to comply with and model the values and principles described herein.

Persons who are dissatisfied with the conduct of a Satvatove representative may complete and submit to Satvatove a Conduct Review Request. This request will be handled by the Satvatove Conduct Review Process.

In the same way that top athletes use coaches to maximize performance, we can use coaching to facilitate excellence in our life.

Coaching supports the achievement of extraordinary results based on goals set by the individual or team. Through the process of coaching, individuals focus on the skills and actions they need to successfully produce their chosen results. Clarity is achieved through the coaching process. Coaching accelerates progress by providing greater focus and awareness of possibilities, leading to more effective choices. Coaching concentrates on where individuals are now and what they are willing to do to get to where they want to be in the future.

Life skills coaching may also include educational and therapeutic elements. Coaching focuses on an individual’’s life as it relates to goal setting, outcome creation and personal change management. A coach helps people define what they want and supports them to reach their goals. (i.e. “I want to learn how to create a happy, committed partnership.”)

In the capacity of education, coaching provides people with general or specific information and skill-building opportunities for them to learn what they need to be successful. An assumption that is made in coaching, is that individuals or teams are capable of generating their own solutions with the coach supplying supportive, discovery-based approaches and frameworks. (i.e. “What communication principles and skills will help me to create the relationships I want?).

With regards to therapy, the coach assists individuals in resolving emotional wounds or obstacles that inhibit success in their relationships. (i.e. “My anger started when my father was brutal to my mother.”)

Life skills coaches are trained to listen and observe to customize their approach to the individual client’’s needs, and elicit solutions and strategies from the client. They believe that the client is naturally creative and resourceful. The coach’’s role is to provide support to enhance the skills, resources and creativity that the client already possesses. While the coach provides feedback and an objective perspective, the client is responsible for taking the steps to produce the results he or she desires. Coaching does not directly focus on treating cognitive or emotional disorders. While positive feelings or emotions may be a natural outcome of coaching, the primary focus is on creating strategies for achieving specific goals in one’’s life.

Individuals who engage in a coaching relationship can expect to experience:

fresh perspectives on personal challenges and opportunities

enhanced thinking and decision making skills

enhanced interpersonal effectiveness

increased confidence in carrying out their chosen work and life roles.

Coaching helps people productively focus on areas of life that are most essential to them, whether it is career, relationships, health or spirituality. People today are more open to the idea of being in charge of their own lives. Coaching helps people do just that.

The individual coaching client is someone who wants to achieve higher levels of satisfaction, performance and learning. People utilize coaches to increase quality of life and learn more effective life skills.Clients typically work with a coach because they want to achieve one of the following goals:

Fulfillment goal- a balanced life, satisfying relationships, enthusiasm, or connection with one’’s spirituality.

Learning goal- improving public speaking skills; increasing patience with colleagues, children and other; learning to practice self-care; learning to mediate disputes; and developing consistency.

Performance goal- improving business as a business owner, meeting daily standards for numbers of contacts with potential clients, clearing away clutter.

Frequently, a coach works with clients in all three of these areas simultaneously. For example, a client may want to improve her or his small business results (a performance goal), as measured by the amount of sales per customer. In the process of identifying what needs to happen to create that result, the client may discover a need to contact more potential customer. In order to do so she or he may have to become a better networker (a learning goal). As the client begins to concentrates more on networking, she or he discovers that less time is spent at home. Thus a new goal is established: to spend more quality time with family members because of the desire to be a loving and caring parent (a fulfillment goal).

The author of the Inner Game of Tennis, Timothy W. Gallway writes: “The coach is not the problem solver. In sport, I had to learn how to teach less, so that more could be learned. The same holds true for a coach in business.”

Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakur, a renowned yogi and Vedic scholar, writes in his book Amrita Vani: “A person’’s defects are better rectified in a private tutorial class or private coaching than in hearing lectures in a school or college.”

Coaching helps one develop personal character, manifest the authentic qualities of the self, and enhance one’’s spiritual life.

Satvatove Institute is an international coaching enterprise with its headquarters in Alachua, Florida. At Satvatove Institute, we are trained to guide you to change life habits and accomplish the exceptional results you desire. Coaching is about you, your life, work, goals, needs, desires and dreams. We like to think of coaching as offering our clients a “sacred space” to share and explore and try on new ways of thinking and being.

Being Authentic Is A Key For Vibrant Living

For most of us, consistent authenticity involves conscious, courageous effort. It’s a challenge to recognize our deceptions and pretenses, and differentiate them from actual self-discovery. Each moment our integrity is connected with willingness to be authentic. Authenticity vitalizes our immediate experience, and also enriches the service legacy we create for others.

Willing To Be Uniquely Ourselves

The habit of authenticity makes us a distinction in the world, a human being willing to be uniquely ourselves. This isn’t about reactively differentiating ourselves, which is the flipside of following the crowd, but rather full and genuine expression of our spirit. This requires great intention, as social pressures tend towards conformity and conditioned behavior at the expense of honest realization of self.

Intention itself is a spiritually-based principle of personal growth. A fundamental characteristic of intention is clarity- to be completely clear on who we want to be, what we want to experience, and the actions and results that flow from that. In addition to clarity, fully believing that our intention is possible is also essential. A third element is readiness to accept what we say we want for our lives. We can ask ourselves to what extent are we actually prepared to receive the abundance and success of our intention manifesting. This could lead to productively addressing self-defeating beliefs connected with, for example, a sense of unworthiness. The totality of these elements- clarity, belief and acceptance- constitutes clear intention. Clear intention is firm, yet flexible to the indications and will of the divine. Lacking clear intention we are likely to live a life with a script written by others. Living from clear intention we are truly the authors of our life.

Such a life of distinction represents a standard to which others may aspire. Of course, endeavoring for authenticity for the purpose of being recognized as an inspiration for others could well be another strategy for the ego to seek approval. Still, we can appreciate that an effect of an authentic life is that it is inherently a service to others. In fact, we may be most inspiring to those who struggle with the same challenges we handled in our journey. For example, if our path to genuineness is characterized by transforming the needy, helpless script to an assertion of power, confidence and intelligence, then our willingness to be authentic is especially poignant for people playing out a similar script. Similarly, if our transformation is marked by creative expression where formerly there was dull routine, or vulnerability that was covered by bravado, or adventurous risk-taking in place of playing not to lose, we serve as a model for others immersed in those same life-draining, surviving instead of thriving, conversations.

In the Satvatove environment we speak about assertiveness. Assertiveness is founded in authenticity. We need to know who we are and be connected with our core in order to know who or what it is we are asserting. Otherwise, in the name of assertiveness we may be into yet another game.

In a life of distinction we assert and communicate from our being. Otherwise, we get caught up in doing and having, disconnected from being, searching externally for experiences such as satisfaction, power and beauty, that are inherent to our nature. We are human beings, not human doings. Being a distinction is not only personally fulfilling- it is also, from my perspective, an integral aspect of our responsibility as human beings.