The morning after a 3-day transformative communication course I conducted in Brooklyn, I encountered a woman who had just completed the seminar. She was excited and had an experience she was eager to share with me. In the spiritual community where she lived she had taken a vow to chant daily a prescribed number of mantras on beads. She exclaimed, “This morning I realized that I don’t have to chant my rounds! I don’t have to chant my rounds!” Her exhilaration filled the air with a sense of liberation. Seeing me puzzled as to why she was happy to give up her vow, she went on, “I get to chant my rounds! I get to chant my rounds!” She then explained how that morning she had begun to finger her beads and chant a few mantras. For the first time in her decades of experience tears flowed from her eyes while chanting. For the first time her attitude wasn’t “I have to chant my rounds.”
Authentic mantra chanting and high-level communication practices are two complementary vehicles through which we can utilize sound vibration to realize our spiritual identity and connect with the innermost stratum of the living soul.
A genuine mantra is a potent transformational vibration. “Mantra” means spiritual sound vibration that extricates the mind from material entanglement. Jill Bormann has conducted research on mantra meditation with various populations including military veterans. She describes meditative time with a mantra as a “Jacuzzi for the mind. It’s something you can use to focus and calm yourself at a moment’s notice, …it doesn’t require money, and it’s non-toxic… a person just needs to make it a part of their lives.” My personal favorite mantra for meditation is one of India’s most beloved, the Maha Mantra. Studies have shown that this 16-word mantra reduces stress and depression and increases qualities such as balance, fulfillment, and sense of life purpose.
In our programs we focus on transformation through communication. Awareness of how we use sound to influence our consciousness and environment is a powerful approach to personal and interpersonal development. In the beginning was the word. Just as the divine creates with sound, we can productively examine what we generate in our life with our sounds.
For example, to what extent do we build roadblocks to effective communication through responses that convey messages of invalidation, disempowerment, or self-absorption? This might take the form of unnecessarily advising or warning, shallow praise, avoidance of vital issues, or prematurely giving solutions. Effective listening is essential for the creation of the sacred space that is crucial for life-enriching relationships. Such listening focuses on what the other person is saying- not what we’re saying to ourselves about what the other is saying. In our expression we can consider the degree to which we communicate from fear, neediness, and insecurity, as opposed to purpose, joy and inspiration. Through three days of intense immersion in transformative communication the mantra yogini shifted her consciousness from “I have to…”- burdensome, obligatory, and mechanical- to “I get to…”- vibrant, inspired, and fresh.
“I guess it’s just my karma.” We’ve commonly heard such statements referencing karma. In the seminars, coaching and counseling that I conduct, people frequently allude to karma, often with a tone of predestination.
Based on my understanding of sources of ancient wisdom, the concept of karma is fully aligned with a worldview of 100% personal responsibility. In a very practical sense, we have created our present karma through our past actions. We are accountable for our actions, as well as our thoughts and feelings, and thus responsible for our karma- past, present and future. Even if you are not aligned with this perspective of full accountability, I ask that you at least consider it to determine whether such a stance might be valuable in some parts of your life.
Self-Determination is Alive
Though it may in a sense be true that our karma limits us, our self-determination remains quite alive, if we wish it to, within the constraints of the karma we’ve generated. Suppose I purchase a ticket for a flight from Tampa to London. By purchasing that ticket and boarding the plane, I have created my karma. Once the plane is in flight I am limited in certain ways, as a result of my karma, which comprises my previous choices and actions, such as buying the ticket and entering the plane. For example, If I wanted that evening to visit my favorite restaurant in Tampa, I would not be able to do so because I am limited by karma, by the fact that the plane is over the Atlantic Ocean.
Even though there are limiting conditions resulting from past choices, that doesn’t mean my life is fated. I continue to possess a multitude of choices and thereby an abundance of possibilities for creating future karma and opportunities. On the plane I could read a book and thereby enrich my spirit. Or I could make a productive business contact that produces abundance for years to come. Also on the plane I could commit a terrible crime, resulting in prison time after the flight.
Karma is Temporary
Other essential points about karma are that it is temporary, and we can transcend it. “Karma” is a way of referring to our past. Our past can explain a lot about the present, but it can’t take responsibility for it. Only we can do that. Bhagavad-gita, perhaps the prime book for understanding the principle of karma, explains that by cultivating consciousness, we step out of our past and change our karma.
William Hutchinson Murray said “…the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too.” We speak of the “law of karma”, and there is a mechanical aspect to the exercise of that law. Also though, there is a thoroughly personal element to our relationship with karma, invoked by cultivating conscious living and our relationship with the creator of the law. To the extent that we do this, our history, or karma, does not determine our destiny, and we are the transcendent, creative wellspring of our life.
Recently I spent time with a friend who a few days previously experienced a traumatic interpersonal and intrapersonal event. A few hours into our day he expressed that he feels for the first time since the episode that he is “stepping out of the drama of what happened”. This caused me to reflect on my own absorption in life’s drama, and on the distinction between living life and living in the drama of life.
Of course life has its natural adventure, full of color and emotion. I distinguish this from “drama”, in the sense of something external to the stuff of life itself. We cling to drama in a shadow attempt to experience the richness and excitement of living. In distancing himself from the whirlpool of the drama, my friend described a significant shift of experience, from lamentation to genuine compassion, for all involved, himself included. He was able to see lucid spiritual purpose, and practical lessons for his growth as a person, behind the unfolding of events. Also he realized the extent to which he was invested in continuing the drama, to get payoffs such as attention, sympathy, feeling right, and an excuse for not courageously moving forward with life.
Bhagavad-gita, one of my favorite books of wisdom, describes the lotus consciousness, where we are in the world though not influenced by the drama of it, as the lotus is in the water though simultaneously untouched by it. This state of being is free from lament about the past, and hankering for a particular future. Fully present in the present, we live with a sense of urgency. Urgency does not mean crisis, nor panic and anxiety. It is living in the moment (not for the moment)- a constant commitment to creating life-enriching value.
This lotuslike state evinces caring non-attachment. To the extent that we cultivate such a way of being we empower others to rise above the fray on the dramatic stage, and connect with the true life of the self. This shift of consciousness represents genuine spiritual progress, as we identify ourselves as the spiritual entities we are, transcendent to the physical, mental and intellectual platforms.
It would be a misconception to think that such a drama-free paradigm is dry or empty. In fact, such a misunderstanding of the reality of spiritual existence is why many people hold on tightly to the ephemeral drama, thinking it essential for a sense of vitality. Actually, authentic spiritual experience is sublimely diverse, alive and vibrant, the pure form of what we seek without fulfillment in preoccupation with dramas. In fact, Sanjaya, the narrator of Bhagavad-gita, described it as a “thrill at every moment.”
Let’s consider in what environments, and in which relationships, we tend to be living life, and where we tend towards enacting a drama. With such awareness we can notice the difference in experience. From there we can choose increased living, and decreased drama, where we think that it will serve us and others.
Excerpt from a coaching letter written by Dr. David Wolf :
Client: Could you explain to me the distinction between being authentic and indulging in negative feelings?
David: “My understanding of the distinction between authenticity and indulgence in negative feelings is that authentic expression is life-enriching, energizing personal growth and upliftment of consciousness for ourselves and others. We may authentically experience and express emotions that may be painful and unpleasant, such as anger, pain, shame, hurt, and fear, in a way that elevates awareness and is genuinely healing, healthy and releasing. That’s different than indulgence in negative feelings, which I view as a grungy way to justify hanging onto toxic emotions such as resentment, depression, etc., perhaps under the guise of “expressing my feelings”. The consciousness behind authenticity is sincerely life-enhancing, whereas the consciousness behind indulgence in negativity is life draining. In both cases there may be expression of feelings, though the result is quite different. Authenticity is liberating, whereas negativity indulgence entangles us further in unhealthy and unproductive emotional patterns.”
In this episode of our series, David describes the fifth essential principle for fulfilling relationships, empathy. Principles of living in a sattvic consciousness tend to overlap and support one another and this principle is no exception. Other principles of fulfilling relationships such as “Win/Win” rely on this principle of empathy.
Just as the supreme creates with the word, we too create our lives with our word. Self-reflection is a core principle in personal growth, and it can be especially illuminating to consider our relationship with our word. In the Vedic tradition there is a literature called Upadeshamrita, or The Nectar of Instruction. The book concludes with a depiction of the most elevated spiritual consciousness, and it starts with a description of the importance of effective management of our words, for anyone interested in spiritual progress.
In the transformative communication seminars that I conduct we ask participants to examine the effects of kept and broken agreements. Typically, experiences and feelings connected with violated agreements include hurt, embarrassment, anger, betrayal, confusion, lack of clarity, disappointment and feeling devalued. Agreements honored are usually related with experiences such as trust, gratitude, responsibility, fulfillment, security, clarity, and respect. The purpose of such examination is not to moralize about the importance of keeping our promises. It’s about realizing how our relationship with our word affects our experience of life.
In this regard I suggest that there aren’t big or small agreements. Consider, for example, that I say, “I’ll call you tomorrow,” and I don’t call. We may think, “It’s no big deal.” With respect to our relationship, however, will the consequences noted above be in effect? Probably they will. At some level, your trust for me will likely diminish, and our relationship will be less whole.
Commitment is essential for self-development. Without it, we’re likely not going to significantly expand our possibilities and comfort zone. When we make agreements, we’ll probably find that, despite our best efforts, we sometimes don’t follow through. A strategy for handling broken agreements with integrity is a valuable tool for restoring relationships.
The Five As
An effective approach is the “five As”, which are 1) Acknowledge, 2) Accept responsibility, 3) Account, 4) Apologize, and 5) Amend. “Acknowledge” means to recognize that we have a broken agreement, and to express this to the person whom we transgressed. Accepting responsibility, the second of the As, denotes realization that I responded in a particular way that caused me to not honor my word. The third A is Account. Expression of accountability consists of genuinely explaining what happened. Apology is the fourth A, and it’s noteworthy that it’s fourth, not first. Oftentimes we act like apology is the first and only step in effectively handling a broken agreement. “I’m sorry” can be more about my need to restore my image, than about sincerely reinstating the soundness of the relationship. Amend is the fifth A, and consists of actively redressing the situation.
A Culture Of Trust
‘Tis a season for making resolutions, when we consider things we can do to better our lives. This is a powerful opportunity to enhance the culture of trust in our relationships, and within ourselves. My proposal is that we invoke special awareness of the effects in our life and relationships when we make an agreement and keep it.
We’re happy to offer you opportunities to give some special gifts to people dear to you, in the form of Satvatove books, CDs and personal coaching.
Give the gift of Satvatove personal coaching, for yourself and others in your life. Consider the impact for the next year, and for a lifetime, of the expert and caring support that you get with Satvatove coaching. Can you think of some habits you’d like to integrate to powerfully move forward in your life? What about habits to give up, to be more effective and potent in achieving your goals? What would it mean to you to get real clear on your goals and aspirations, in your career, primary relationship, health and spiritual practice? Raise your awareness and live your vision with a Satvatove coach on your team.
All Coaching Packages at 50% discount for the month of December, 2008.
For more information or to register for a coaching package, write to us at Coaching@Satvatove.org or call us at 386 418 8840.
Plus- During this holiday period, with each coaching package you receive a copy of Relationships That Work: The Power of Conscious Living- How Transformative Communication Can Change Your Life, and the CD,
7 Principles For Fulfilling Relationships!!!
Satyen Raja, President of WarriorSage and author of Living Ecstasy, commented on Relationships That Work:
“…a book that gives us the practical tools, ideas and real shifts in our habits that will propel ALL our relationships into a rich and rewarding way of life. What’s really wonderful is the Heart and Depth that comes through from David, which gets transferred into the reader and that certainly pays off in Big wins for your Family, Career and Spiritual Life. Read and Devour it and watch your Life Bloom with more ease and clarity.”
Peter Burwash, Founder of Peter Burwash International and author of several books including The Key to Great Leadership and Total Health, wrote:
“If we do not understand whom we really are, then our life becomes a major struggle. David Wolf has been able to explain not only who we are but he has also given us paths to elevate our consciousness and help us on our way to a more productive, happy existence.”
Relationships That Work: The Power of Conscious Living
With each book purchase, you receive a copy of 7 Principles for Fulfilling Relationships, for no extra cost.
“This book will touch the heart of every reader as it provides a roadmap for making positive changes in our dealings with other people, as well as within ourselves. David Wolf’s unique ability to blend spiritual knowledge with practical advice makes Relationships That Work: The Power of Conscious Living a must read for anyone seeking self-understanding and better communication with those they care most about. Reading this book forced me to pause and reflect about the nature of my own life; A worthy experience for anyone in today’s fast-paced modern world where doing and having often become facile substitutes for being.”
E. Burke Rochford Jr., Professor of Sociology and Religion, Middlebury College
“Sometimes you find a book, and sometimes a book finds you. There is no doubt that the profound wisdom and lessons in this book will find their way into the souls of millions of people around the world. No ifs, ands or buts - Dr. Wolf gives you the blueprint on how to be an influence-maker in your life and the lives of others.”
Burke Hedges, author of 7 books with over 4 million books in print, including the bestseller “Who Stole the American Dream?”
“This is an extraordinarily compelling and practical book on becoming a master of communication. Read it, apply the strategies and principles, and enhance your life and influence beyond what you thought possible!”
T. Harv Eker, author of the #1 NY Times Bestselling book Secrets of the Millionaire Mind
In this episode of the 7 principles for fulfilling relationships video series, the essential principle of integrity is described. This deals with taking a look at what we create in our lives with our word.
